To lose your-self
If for the first time
Better now than the end of the line
It’ll be too late too quick
How far you did sink
Into the trenches
But this is a story of hope
Shake it off
Role the dice
Put your cards back in the middle
See what you’re left with
No get out of jail-frees
Everything’s a risk, or at risk
This new day
This new way
A better looking face
A sweeter enticing taste
Intoxication, how I’ve spoke of you before
But like no other, of this I’m sure
Ask me why and I can explain because
So much more than a look in her eye
Imagine an inspiration fallen from the sky, realized in a single breath
From her heart released, penetrating your ability to deny, brought to my knees
Rejoice, be at peace, float down the river and enjoy a forest breeze
A spiritual reminder of days passed
The best and worst of things indeterminately last
You are no more than heart and mind
A multitude of distractions, passing in time
Ride fearless on the coat-tail of an emotion
The possibility of freedom and thought
To perhaps be sought
It is all but a game
Put your chips in the middle
Put your-self on the line
All you have to lose is your self
All I can lose is already mine.
Well hello again,
It has been some time, but you are still familiar
Not by touch, not by taste, but like always- in certain ways
With a flair of the nostrils
A predictable pattern of speech
Talking about the stage we did meet
Sometime friendships are not so plain black and white
Sometimes it takes a sobered moment, realizing we allowed our perspective to drift out of site
But with any relationship, nothing is final, little is certain, and second chances are always welcomed
These days pass with a subtle novelty
Mild spontaneity, refreshing a burdened a soul
Each day I wonder a little more, and a little less about the things that matter
Reflecting over words from my past, recognizing growth, immaturity, but a passion that did last
I respect myself for such passion, despite the pain it has provoked
But is it not pain that makes us feel alive?
I do not wish to endure it constantly
I imagine that would be the definition of madness
But it is moments, weeks, and lengths of pain that refresh and revisit the things we believe in.
Growth can be stimulated by environment, but it is not until we are willing to accept our mistakes as an irrevocable reality, that change will occur.
Over and over the world insists that people don’t change, people can’t change
And maybe that’s true, but rather than change who or what we are, consider the realization of who we have always been
A soul’s burden lies in self loathing, rejection, and the projection of identity through entities external to ourselves.
Friendship is a more pervasive way for individuals to understand themselves
We seek others that bring out the good in us
There cannot be a single good, rather a variety of goods, all brought about in different ways
Last night I was reminded of the good we do for one another
I’d like to say thanks.
Go out there
Make a difference
It’s your world if you want to take it
It’s your world if you’re willing to pay the price to take it
Make something of your self
Go out there and conquer
Do not fear failure
Do not listen too what they all say
You can make a difference
It says so in the news
It says it doesn’t matter if you’re Jews
It doesn’t matter if you’re black
It doesn’t matter if you’re white
There is no right
We are all the same
Racism as an excuse so lame
Go out there and stop thinking
Drink yourself to a place where the ideals don’t apply
A place where your mind can fly
Let it travel
Find someone new
Someone who you want to change
Make them your person
Try doing what the world did to you
Brainwash them on the untruth
Cloud their minds with so much misuse
Make them crazy so they need help
So desperate is how you once felt
Make it better
Do to them as you once felt
You needed so much help
But there was no one there to save you
They let you drown
It was your own party and they forgot about you
They left you in the dust
Saving you should have been a must
You can’t even trust your best friend
He didn’t lend a hand of help
He let you fall in to the emptiness of the world
It started with a girl
She didn’t love you so you got mad
You would have been sad
But no one would have noticed
So you got angry in the greatest of ways
You lived in a world which existed in the absence of the sun’s ray
You lived amongst darkness
Hoping one would see you and your sorrow
And have a loving heart to borrow
A girl might love you as you loved so many others
Real love not like a brother
Not the kind of love that has you being their best friend
Because you have been there before
It’s only another closed door
You don’t want that in life anymore
So you ran
You ran so far you forgot where you were going
You left without really knowing single thing you wanted in life
About everything you now strife
So many problems bubbling up at once
So many things that make you a failure
You wanted to be a success so very bad
Be like your dad
Growing up you just wished you could meet the image which he set
But now you live in society with so much debt
Debt to the world and debt to those who loved you
You let them down
They aren’t around now
You failed them in so many ways
You think it would get better with the days
But somehow it only gets worse
You are under a curse
A curse of your own self depression
Thinking the world has it in for you,
Laughing at you and praying for you to fail
So rather than fight it you refuse to prevail
You give in to everything which you once fought
Your life is over and to the world you taught
That you were not a man of integrity
You ran from any fight
You did what you knew wasn’t right
You hid in darkness because in light they could see what you couldn’t be
See what you were and see what you were not
See everything they’d wish not to be
Wonder how one could fall so far into misery?
Fall so deep like rain does seep into the earth and arrive at your place of birth
An unsacred and un- holy place
You remember the face of your father
As he emerged in the sun light
On the street it didn’t seem right
But he protected you with all that he had
He didn’t have money
But he was my dad
I didn’t know what most kids knew
But with his love I grew
I didn’t go to school but I was loved
I was hugged
And I threw it all away
I was a rich man until I chose not to stay
I remember that day where I left without looking back
How I wish I could attack the stupid boy who made the choice
Decided to run away from the only thing he knew
I was angry for what we lacked
But I should have been happy for what we had
I should have loved him like he loved me
I should have stood by him no matter what; the laughter of my friend’s shouldn’t have made me blush
I should have told them to hush
He was my family and that’s how it was going to stay
I loved my dad but I still ran away
To this day I do regret
Leaving everything and becoming a threat to the world and everything that is right
Because I am now everything that is wrong
Because with out my dad to love
Days seem so long
So empty and unfulfilled
The world has drilled a hole into my head
Every moment it feels as if I’m dead
And so often do I dread
Waking the next morning
Because then I will live another day in my life in the most miserable way
Live with the choices I once made
Live in the worthless hell that I created
So soon I will end the suffering
It will be quick and easy
No one will see me
No one will care
They wouldn’t dare
They wouldn’t risk the feelings on me
They wouldn’t want to be there and see the look of a dying boy
Who since the day he left his father hasn’t tasted an ounce of joy.
"Kevin Alan Lamb" "Free to Fly" "Shaggy Lamb Productions" "Dictator of Diction" "both sides of the lamb" "Detroit Dictators of Diction" "The Dying Romantic" "Eric Hampton Photography" "This Is a Good, free-to-fly, lift, moon, sunrise, sunset
Days begin, rising with the sun
Hopes are high– possibility reaching the sky
Light enters through the iris
Illuminating the soul
Wishing simply to be whole
Independent of any wants or desires
Lit only by your heart and its fire
But as the day does pass
A rising sun cannot ever last
Setting upon the sky, it sheds a different light on this world
Despite rays weakening, they now say so much more
Twilight sun fades from its youth
In its eyes you always see the truth
Growing wise and splendid with delight
Just before it says goodbye and good night
Darkness settles in over the land
The moon washes the tides over and over the sand
My sprit deflates and my fire cooled with the ocean waves
Seemingly so lonely on this cloud filled night
But with the wind gently blowing
It takes just an instant for the moon beams to shine through just right
Catching a twinkle upon the star of my eye
And to think just a moment before I was going to cry
How quickly we rise and fall from grace
As the moon now begins to fade
I know how soon my day will be made
When at the stroke of midnight it becomes a new day
The sun does rise, and with it my soul
It lifts me from the floor, and once more
I am free to fly.
Shaggy Lamb Productions, where words are our way
I stare into the darkness and all I can see is the chance I didn’t take
The unexplored what could be?
I have gone through my life in what seems to be an instant
When something wild and exciting came
I was always to resist it
Always chose to look the other way, remaining lame
Thinking to my self, that there would be a time for this someday
Looking at what could have been
I can only grieve for the once young child
Running and playing oh so wild
But now a lonely old man
Because he always ran in the face of arising risk
I cannot run any more
My bones are weak
Perhaps I can rediscover
The wild little boy who was like others
I can only hope to see
If it is possible to reclaim what once belonged to me
So I close my eyes once more
Knowing little of faith and heavens door
Leaving this world as I entered
Alone, scared, and surrendered
I escape to my dreams
I escape from the pain too real
Never knowing how real happiness did feel
In my final soothing sleep, I lay, I pass, and certainly none will weep
My final transformation
The last remnants of a forgotten soul
No witness to bear
No family’s despair
Just another old man
Just another hole in the ground
One more final sound
The coffin slams shut
Eternal darkness abrupt
Laugh the world away in a day and you’ll be okay
Yell at it and you will be sleepless in the night
Try and control it and it will never be right
Let it break you down
I told you to always fight
This life does crazy things to the heart and soul
It makes days seem like years– yet weeks just a second
When it is good it seems to disappear so fast
When times are tough why does it always last?
I have no answers to this world after 19 years
I have seen people ease themselves with a few too many beers
But by the end of the night they surely are in tears
Happiness isn’t so easy for everyone
It all depends on your expectations
No matter how hard we try
One day we will die
And is any of it worth the trouble?
Is it worth becoming angry and in pain?
Or just laugh it off and go running in the rain
Employ far more humility than hate
If you cannot see yourself with flaws
Then you are a hopeless cause
But never let yourself go numb
Stay very much alive
Keep the happiness inside
Let out the pain with a scream
And once more chase your dreams
Anger will come and go
But happiness can always be held inside
Slowly in zigzags my wheels trudge along
Worn wind shield wipers whining a song
Mist and ice, another winter’s night, my drive way just- out of sight
Not too much gas, or too sudden the brakes
If not careful around one of these windy turns, may end up in the lake
Fish-tail here, let her take ease back into control
Subtle movements, keeping it slow
1208, just around the corner
Darkness will reign, headlights will blur shining through snow
Only a half mile, like a tortoise to go
Look for Oakley Liquor and Deli,
A sign from the gods that you have arrived.
Make an immediate right, another winter’s night drive you’ve survived.
Follow your heart, quiet your mind
Emptiness one moment, around the corner be amazed at what you find
Nothing to be consumed by, rather another face and another try
The sun shines down upon another from the sky
It’s scorching yet life-filled rays dance upon the curvaceous ocean waves
They’re connection, intertwined – you gaze
Like a boy who first believed Santa was real
A face filled with hope and honest appeal
Belief that there are amazing things in this world
His face, like the sun cast upon the water is reflected for all those who don’t believe
To discover and see such impossibility made possible in a single glance
Let it carry you as she embraces your arms to dance
Do you feel the energy of a soul at play? Does it tickle you in that very way?
The bodies touch, like the white-capped wave does rush
Colliding in beautiful unity with the bright shining star
It traveled so far, worlds away, simply to say:
“I am here and together life is perfect”
Not forever, not for always, but today
In an instant you cannot resist it because forever you wished it
It is for the world to see how impossible can come to be
Come to life before your very eyes, if only to see the look on your face
When the beautiful collision that saved your soul, is certain not go to waste.
I imagine this trip will be more enjoyable than the last one you’ve all may or may not read about. My great friend Matt Richard and I are going to Runaway Bay Jamaica April 18th to the 25th. Matt will have recently endured his second maddening tax season, and myself, will be in a much needed break from my masters program and work. I am actually passing on a week at the beach, at our condo in Hilton Head over Christmas to help myself comfortbly live and still take this very serene and wonderful trip. It was initially going to be planned around my birthday in March, but that didn’t go so well last time, so April will be prime.
We are staying in Club Ambiance, an adults-only-all-inclusive-resort. I look forward to finding wonderful herb- although I have been forwarned that the islanders often try ripping off the tourists with a lack of quality- I am confident we will be succuesfull in our missions.
It just occured to me that we will be in full-force fantasy baseball season, which can certainly only add to the already fruitful elements of the trip.
Unlike many of my other vacations, getting completely hammered and lost in a swarm of club filled chaos will not be my main intention. This is not to say Jamaica will be completely absent of such lamb-bastidy.
There is a direct correlation with the quality and frequency of my words, and my proximity to the ocean. Many of my most passionate works find their derivation in curled toes in the sand, the breeze of an ocean wave, and last but not least, the tan of a shimmering bikini bottom.
Lastly, I am excited that I saved $45.00$ per night, for each of us, due to my former student travel endeavors.
All-inclusive Jamaica, $800.00- Merry Christmas Kevin- from Kevin.
I find myself staring into the ceiling these days, looking for it to say something or maybe do something. I often lie in my bed through the night, praying to you God, but do you ever help? No, not yet. I think to my self that you’re letting what’s happening for some reason. Maybe it’s to punish me, but may I ask what I have done? Was it so bad? Do I deserve this? I do not question you god. I can only hope that you make me stronger, so someday, when he hits me, I will be able to fight back. But until that day comes, and you chose to help me, I will hide and pray in fear. I read your book god, and in it you tell me to believe in you without proof, believe in you without reason; believe me- I have. You speak that with great faith, in the end- good will come. You ask us to put you before anything and everything. We sacrifice for you, people have died from believing in you, and I just don’t understand, maybe it’s because I am but a suffering mortal, stupid and frivolous, but even so, I ask you one question. Why is it right for him to put these bruises on my face? You say to honor thy mother and father, I unquestionably do, but would it be so wrong for you to ask of them the same? Would it be so bad, if he honored thy son! Children are young, weak and find life through their parents. In your book it tells me about family, how we should live and die for our own true blood. If this is so, then how do you all such bloodshed? God, if you ask of us for so much, why in this time of great need can you let me suffer so. I’m not questioning you, but please my Lord- tell me why I must lie here bleeding my last breaths, left with nothing, but to die?
I need to breathe.
It may not require more than second.
But it is something I need, insist upon.
I am sorry if you must continue.
I am sorry if you cannot spare a second.
Move along, perhaps again we will meet.
I just need this moment, this moment to breathe.
Take it in.
Lungs filled with life, conflict, possible resolution.
Always possibility, rarely certainty.
It is not certainty we desire.
We loathe it.
It is something we resort to when we are scared.
When we are alone.
In moments of prayer.
This is not the case for those of good faith.
But I am not such a person.
I believe in a lot of things, static things.
Practiced religion is not one of them.
This isn’t to undermine their value, phenomena really.
Faith is difficult thing, for any man.
The Killers- I cant’ Stay